The day has come when I need to face into it , I need to pack my bags and get organised …
Admittedly I’ve lost motivation for anything these past few weeks, id love to blame it on the weather but it’s not that. I guess everything is such an effort these days it’s just easier to sit in one spot rather than keep shuffling around – sitting has now become a challenge however. Let’s just say rectal Crohn’s disease and pregnancy does not mix, I guess most women struggle as they get bigger anyway but my god – it hurts !!! Frozen peas are my new best friend , how attractive !
The hospital appointment was a mixed bag on Monday, I kinda dread going to these fornightly growth scans now I never feel 100% about anything … I guess I want answers, facts and reassurance but I always walk away feeling a bit meh. Like they know something I don’t, but I know in reality that’s probably not the case it’s just this baby business is such a grey area. Not good for someone who has control issues and needs facts … But I guess that’s motherhood ?!
Baby Williams is growing . Slowly but surely she likes to track along with the small 10% of babies but I’m kinda okay with this now. I accept she isn’t going to be a bruiser… She is just under three pounds in weight. Secretly I’m thankful .. I don’t think my colon could take anymore squeeze! Her hair is growing as well … Thick like her momma and papas … One centimetre in length to be exact … big question is will she be blonde or a have a thick dark mop!
There are a few issues though that seem to baffle the doctors , but then there is nothing new there .. I am born to baffle doctors so I guess it runs in the family ! I have Polyhydramnios which means there is too much fluid in the sac that baby floats in and drinks … The lovely NHS website basically lists a load of reasons why this may be … It also says 50% of babies are born healthy and it’s nothing to worry about. (Doesn’t really help!) However naturally , anything that measures out of the norm I worry .. we all would. Probably appropriate to give another shout out to google at this point … your wise search button really encourages my anxiety and sensitivity. Enough to tip anyone over the edge.
My placenta is also in simple terms a little dodgy… I have a high resistance blood flow between me and baby. This means she isn’t getting the nutrients as well as she could, again, this could be that I just don’t make very good placentas (no surprise) but I have been told every placenta has a shelf life and that we have to becareful mine doesn’t start failing.
Then to top it off, her bladder is slightly enlarged, well her measurements the past month haven’t got worse but the scanner has not been able to see her bladder empty so again this is something that needs to be checked out. I’m hoping it’s because she doesn’t like to pee in the morning. You would think if she is having trouble weeing there would be a lot of fluid in her and not enough in the sac! But I seem to have both.. there is fluid everywhere so who knows … She is floating around that’s one positive thing.
Only a few things going on then, amongst my own health issues to keep myself busy this week. So when my consultant left the room on Monday and said …. ‘ hmmm I think I need to check with my colleague whether we need to admit you’ my heart sank …. not that word …
Here we go again…. More hospital stays ! (I mean hospitals are fabulous when you feel really sick, but when you have just got to the point where your head seems normal and semi functioning the thought of monitoring on NHS time sucks) I do miss fish pie Wednesday’s though 🙂
Anyway I have avoided admission this week in favour for an urgent referral to fetal medicine. Apparently they are the specialists with baby problems and defects and use specialist scanners. I am very grateful, they are the biggest fetal medicine team outside of London… And I know I’m under the best people wanting to do all the right thing for me and baby. It’s just hard sometimes keeping up appearances being strong and taking deep breaths before your name gets called again for another session of scrutiny never knowing what to expect. Does wonders for your resilience… Not so good for my little ticker and blood pressure.
So tomorrow at 9.10 am I will be back again… Scan and then meeting to determine if anything needs to be done or whether plans needs to change. It’s all getting a little real. Hence the hospital bag is now packed for me and little one … Question is how much am I supposed to pack , a weeks worth , two ? Who knows !
Hope to be home back in my bed tomorrow night …. Keeping everything crossed. I know these nightly punches in the tummy mean she is secretly telling me everything is okay.