Week 34 … two weeks until the big C section.
I’m starting to feel slightly sick… with bouts of casual anxiety slipping in now and then, okay well mainly all the time … throughout the day and in my dreams !! (nightmares)
I have spent the last week in and out of the women’s hospital, as such life feels a little like groundhog day now, 3 scans in 7 days is intense. At least I confidently know my way around the place now … well kind of, I did end up in the birthing centre in error and freaked out at one point, I can tell you that is not a place I want to frequent again, ignorance is bliss!
The belly jelly never gets any warmer and I don’t seem to get anymore out of the sonographers than, ‘okay, here are your results , see you next week or the consultant will see you now in clinic’ .
Ugh… This leaves me everytime with mega paranoia in that I think they know something I don’t. The guy who scanned me yesterday said ‘God bless you’ as I left the room … which sent my baby conspiracy theories into overdrive. My thoughts then are, Why did he just feel the need to say God bless? What does he know I don’t ? Why do I need to be blessed…. (This goes on in my head for the next 40 mins) until I realise I’m just turning into a psycho and need to turn the voices off else the next stop for me will be the mental hospital down the road. To be fair why not, I might as well stay in all three hospitals this year … at least I could then give a fair and rounded report on the NHS food and amenity situation!!
Despite the small mound of hospital letters I have had through the post and the ripped, shabby green pregnancy notes that have seen better days (I now need extra pages for appointment dates and the front cover has fallen off) an actual plan has been devised to deliver baby on the 10th August. And let me tell you how the words ‘plan’ bring joy to my current uncontrollable life !
It is just my luck that my current obstetrician and my usual bowel surgeon are both on holiday the week of my c section. Typical. However it is also not ideal to bring her into the world any earlier if it can be avoided nor can I risk delaying my medicine any later, the date is fixed. So last week I met another bowel surgeon who I have seen before on the ward but I have not really got a relationship with, it was nice to meet him face to face before the big day. Let’s face it how many people have the pleasure of having a relationship with their surgeon anyway … they tend to be more familiar with your body parts. It does freak me out that my usual crohns surgeon knows me as well as the blueprint of my bum, sometimes we have casual bottom banter.. but I try not to think about how weird that is for normal healthy people, not for too long anyway.
As for the stand in obstetrician who will be performing my C I won’t get the pleasure of meeting him before, (I have googled searched him to death though, all I am missing is knowledge of his home address!)Jokes. I guess he will just get the pleasure of my meeting my nether regions minus any real conversation with me… I think somehow that’s best, I will leave the medical ‘briefs’ (excuse the pun) to someone else for a change and try and save what little dignity I have left. (Who am I kidding , I have. Absolutely. No. Dignity. Left)
Good news is bowel surgeon #2 has said there is no need for a vertical incision as he doesn’t think there will be too much (if any) scar tissue in my tummy, so I get to be like the cool c section mums with a bikini line scar. This makes me happy, just to be normal for a change!! He also confirmed that he will not be chopping any bits out of me on the day, how kind, and he will keep any colon rummaging to a minimum – like I haven’t had enough! So this is all a big fat tick in the box as far as crohns damage is concerned … for now anyway. The thought of someone’s hands rooting around my bowels whilst I’m fully conscious behind a screen, listening to my choice of music (which would definitely have to be like meatloafs greatest hits or something just because), waiting for baby to be passed to me and god knows what else they have to do to tidy me up was starting to freak me out just a tad! Way too much going on in that head scenario!
So to add to this plan, I’m second on the list. This makes me very happy that they will be ‘warming up’ on some other unsuspecting or suspecting victim before me … it gives the team a chance to drink at least two cups of coffee accompanied by their usual elevenses snacks before they carve me up! (I’m so dramatic) any further down the queue for the day I will be a quivering, pacing wreck so this is all good!
I am then planned to stay on the transitional care ward for five days until I’m due my Remicade infusion, which is planned at the QE hospital on the Monday 🙂 . Transitional care is a lovely ward that has a higher staff to patient ratio and helps small babies , babies with problems , premature and multiple births etc. So I’m hoping to be looked after … and maybe a little extra help if I’m lucky on the nights … The dream for any new mum.
So as far as plans go, amongst my daily scan paranoia and anxiety at least I have something to focus on. I recognise that compared to probably 9 out of 10 moms I am fortunate to just even know what is happening to me, baby and body, surrounded by not so strange people. The perks of chronic illness hey !
Baby weighed in at an estimated 4 pounds yesterday, so we have two weeks to gain some fat. She is still below the 10th percentile with her little short legs but hey, she’s growing and ours, she will be what she will be. You watch, this small baby talk will all be a lie and she will end up being a whopper …
Regardless … I get to meet the anaesthetist next week, where we can indulge in my favourite topic of pain management, spinal blockers and drugs … without sounding like an awful drug dependant mum, the idea of being able to actually take pain relief is heaven considering my recent suffering … So update to follow! Give me everything… Please !! 😉