Just when I think I’m invincible and the world is good it comes back and smacks me in the face. Reminding me that it controls me, I don’t control it.
Just as I’m building up for a summer of fun and the prospect of returning to work I get a reminder that some days are just, well, crap.
The last seven days have been tough, all of the usual symptoms have started to return. This coming weekend is a year anniversary since I was admitted, pregnant with Isla. God, if I had known then I would not see the light of day until the month of May I’m not sure how I would have reacted. Alas, a year on, we are here and I am very grateful of that, but why is the month of March and April always rocky? Spring has sprung, its the season of new life and my body seems to just want give up. Kinda backwards eh?
Anyway, I have a little life to look after now, so there is no room for feeling sorry for myself (well maybe just a bit). Motherhood is a hard as nails job on the best of days but yesterday’s trip to the hospital with child in tow followed by the essential weekly food shop nearly killed me. I guess a liquid diet doesn’t exactly have the same get up and go as a mug of caffeine with ten chocolate digestive biscuits.
So, I’ve been assured the magic medicine just needs a tweak. My eight week regime needs to be brought forward to six. Apparently patients who have already been on biological medicine tend to build a resistance a little easier. My infusion is this week, so I’m just doing as little as possible to get me in the chair. However the Remicade branded drug has been changed by the NHS and therefore my hospital to Remsima, a new, cheaper version, they call it a biosimilar. I hope cheap, doesn’t mean less effective, that would be the cherry on the cake so I pray this isn’t the start of the end 😦 I am not ready to feel like I’m running out of options.
Okay, slight exaggeration I’m not running out of options, I’m just panicking and miserable. Someone’s just turned down the dimmer switch and the light needs to just go back on. Pronto.
We shall see. I have a lot riding on these next few days.
Oh, and I’ve just realised it’s my first post of 2017. Oopsy …. Happy New Blog year to me 🙂